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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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