Where did you get a picture of my penis
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
