Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
