Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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