I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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