At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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