True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
