it hurts more in the daytime
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
