Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize