angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
