I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
