I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
