just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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