ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
