he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
