I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize