Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
