i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
