i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
