You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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