They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
