I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
