dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
