when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
how drunk are you?
Several
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
