he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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