he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
