We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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