Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
