she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
