I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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