i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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