We're facebook friends in real life
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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