I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
