FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
