I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
