dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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