his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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