I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
