UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the day after is always just damage control
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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