You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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