I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
