we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
