I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
