I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
