is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize