DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
