I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
