I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
