We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
