Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
