I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize