People in love make me want to vomit
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
we're so committed to being not committed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
