You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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