We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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