too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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