the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
