i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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