she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
