I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm passing your future prison.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
