I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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