I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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