Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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