So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
